the hardest thing to do...

So what is the hardest thing to do? Quit smoking? Quit drugs? Controlling you temper? Well I guess all depends on situations don't they? What if the situations are on equal levels? Well to me, hardest thing to do is controlling emotions, it may differ or not to others that may read this. Think about it. What hurts us most, makes us angry, jealousy, missing someone... and so on. It all involves emotions, feelings that makes us humans.

Even though how cold our hearts can be towards a person or subject, we still feel sorrow and happiness. and it behaves like a drug, we want more happiness and we cant get rid of sorrows. I have been talking to people with what they have in mind and how are they able to subdue what they are feeling and all i can ans is "time". I myself wish that the "time" will be able to pass faster than how fast i am running but somehow when it comes to something we do not wish for eg. missing someone, time doesnt run as fast what more overtake me. but when the time of happiness comes it just runs past and the worse thing is that we do not know what just happened.

so i guess let it be? i guess so then... and let time pass

peace

vin

what a week...

Alright... I did not expect this week would be this bad. Ok... its not bad, it could be worse. for sure. but lets see, gonna list down things that happened:

1. Strikes at plants (other plants) so unable to work properly

2. Jackpot with beer

3. Lost of my Blackberry - and i do not need to stress how important the data are.

4. and MANY more.

I guess things arent going well for me on the year of the dragon but still life goes on doesnt it? its been awhile since i felt this down with the things going around me, unexpected situation, with undesired outcome. Im not being so negative about things now but sometimes its just hard to be so positive. I am sure there are others out there that may be going through worse than i am but i cant deny that this is bad enough for me. now i just feel lost and just want to talk to someone but who? i dont know and im uncontactable. a ghost yet again.

I was told "dont bother crying over spilled milk" and yes i agree very much so but its more of a frustration towards the compilation of complications this week. im sure as well many have experienced what i experience but i guess sometimes we just got to feel that frustration the only tricky thing is that how are we able to settle this frustration? Am i taking things too hard? that is just me.

Looking on the plus side, at least this is happening at the beginning of the year though i anticipate there will be times such as these that is just lingering around, stalking my back and just ready to ponce. i'll think about that when it comes.

shifting to another topic, i have started a convo with an individual. a person who i will not name due to privacy of the individual, interestingly enough has a high percentage of similarity with me, even down to gummy bears (this was a random question that was asked by the person "what color is your fav gummy bear?") somehow i start to think that maybe we were some what related in the past but honestly it is scary. from the things we eat, hobbies, thoughts and even actions. i do not understand but somehow feel comfortable with the situation, it feels like i have someone to relate to finally. but well i do not know for the other person. isnt it nice to have someone to really understand what u been through all these times? yea i guess no 2 person can be 100% similar but well 90% to me is good enough to feel comfortable. "just be yourself" are 3 words that sometimes can be awfully confusing. the face we put to deal with certain situations prevents us from being ourselves to a point we do lose who we were before. sometimes i do wonder what kind of person i am, do u?

anyways all these are just my opinions about things. some may like it some dont.

peace

vin

times has changed...

After having dinner with dad, my sis and my brother in law, dad suddenly asked, "Do you want to follow Eddy or with us?" All of us were confused and only then did he realize that she does not stay with us anymore, well physically. That got me thinking, times really have changed. The moments that we were still young and carefree, innocent and non-judgmental. Fond memories I had when I was still a little kid and memories that was equal to a kid's nightmare are just embedded at the back of my brain.

Fast forwarding through teenage years, I was just the boyish rebellious guy. Didn't care about studies and looking at girls, skipping classes to play games in the arcade, a world of my own. Fond memories which introduced me the meaning of friends were when I was in scouts. I guess everyone has that best buddy from secondary school and till today they stayed by your side, well not literally... unless you are married to that person.

Anyways, counting the years even my fingers and toes could not keep up, a fact is fact when i had to understand people come and people go. My parents are getting old, especially my dad, and they have done so much for me and my sister, but what could be do to give it back to them? i did ask this question to my friends, and mostly said the same thing:"Live life well." Though short, it was meaningful. live life well. get a degree, get a good job and get married. well my sister is already there and having a baby, AND ITS A GIRL! as for me, well, i do not know when am i going to get married. not anytime soon im thinking. though previously i thought i would be getting married this year. thats another story.

Bottom line is that, time is ticking, each day is unrepeatable and each second of out life has only 1 chance. use it wisely, simply cause, as much as we want to, we can't turn the hands of the time. Dont regret any mistakes made, just learn from it. after all we are just human. we control our decisions but not our future.

I remember a short quote:"Don't worry about tomorrow as today has its own problems"

Grasp those moments that makes you smile cause one day when the time comes, we will need it.

take care (:

a life i live

So after a great Saturday, from waking up late, to Muay Thai, to a great massage, whats next? Sleep! Not before writing a short blog note.

Some of my friends here knows about my life in Australia, a whole 7 years there. And was asked "if u could turn back time, would you do it again?" my ans, without a doubt "Yes" Time to share a little of my past. When i was a little kid, i was well protected and sheltered, restricted with many limitations. so you can imagine how crazy i was when i reached Australia. Full freedom, but that came with a huge price.

Without what i have been though in Australia, i probably would not be the person right now. maybe missing Natiional Service (Army) is not as bad as i thought it would be though i wanted so much at that time. When i was in Australia, i learnt what the word street smart means, knowing how to advise and help others when they are in need. I guess that is what i like to do, simply just to help. Tiring it can be but the pleasure comes in after you seen the results of our assistance. In australia i was just like a lost child, i needed to know people from the start and somehow i clicked with people who just wants to have a little more fun than books, obviously. i did not care what tomorrow brings as i know i will handle it somehow, i always do.

The times and experiences i have collected and gathered in Australia is something that i will never trade anything for. i guess we have to treasure everyone and everything that touched our life, good and bad. appreciate what was, is and will be given to us cause we can never know if or when it will leave us. Remembering someone is something or someone is more important than you think, especially for a person. I made many stupid mistakes but then again no one is perfect and i know i am not even close to the word perfect. but once again i am thankful for this life i am given. through the pain and sorrow, somehow we always find the light to smile again.

like i said a short blog note. take care and enjoy your life

peace

vinz

New Year, A start? An End?

Firstly, Happy New Year to all!

As the fireworks begin to fill the night with bright colors and sounds that a little kids would close their ears to, i was among the few that decided party life during the new year, getting drunk and not remembering what happened the night before, was 2 steps behind. i decided to go for a calmer event. i was kinda surprised at myself for cancelling another event with a few friends of mine and joined to go the church and celebrate New Year's day mass.

We knelt, and prayed for what we believed is right and what we hope to achieve, as well as to give thanks for the year 2011. Filtering the sound out from my head i closed my eyes and envisioned what 2012 would be like. Smooth sailing? Yea, why not? Everyone wants a life with no hardships and all so carefree but most of us do not have that fortune. So my first resolution was: "May I be able to find a solutions to problems that were not solved in the past and also an even better solution for any difficulties I or we may face in 2012" - Problems are unavoidable, period.

What's next on my list? Its got to do with the Mayan Calendar of 2012. This has been looked into for awhile and a movie was made based on it. Honestly, I don't really care. Somethings its beyond our abilities and capabilities so why bother think about it so much. But would like to do more for the less fortunate this year. Thats my second.

Continuing to pray and listen to the priest, my mind is running through this long list of what happened this year in 2011. Bittersweet is the first word that came up to my mind. I do complain what happened to me in the year 2011, but guess its time to shut up and move on. happy days will forever be kept in my heart and as for days that I wished I could disappear, i would try to suppress and compress all those in a box, take a crayon and write "2011 - Those times I got stronger"

And when the celebration was all over, greetings were exchanged, i walked up to the counter, where the nuns and the public were divided, giving my well wishes to them. A picture that was definitely worth to capture but i did not as i did not know if i was able to do it. suddenly, from the corner of my eyes, i saw a familiar sight, a husky. without a split second recollection, "Kenzo" came up to my head. Yea i miss you so much Kenzo (for those who do not know who is Kenzo, he is a husky that i used to have. Used to? lets not get into details). first sight of the dog, i shivered and stepped back while a dozen of hands tried to reach over to give the handsome dog a pat. i had to do something, when the dog was about to leave, i unknowingly went up to the counter and he turned around and jumped up on the counter. husky is know to look fierce but not this. it welcomed to pat him. and it was gone. the shivers all gone. "Hello you...", smiled and walked back to my friends. it may not sound significant to others but this was a night that what i felt for so long in 2011, was just taken away from that one pat of the handsome K9. After all the goodbye waves and hugs we left for early breakfast, and realized that i could have gone to party and hope to forget all that happened in 2011 but i guess at that time there was another solution which somehow made me disregard the flowing of alcohol down my throat. I needed water, not any kind of water.

Old friends were brought back again and new friends were made. It may not sound much but it is when you are a person who does not jumps from places to places.

So once again i wish all of you a great new year, be strong and what has happened, happened, whatever is gonna happen, it happens for a reason.

Peace

vin

whats the difference of advising and mr. know it all?

Honestly, i do not know. all i have done and written its just about helping and advising people but then i looked back again and thought again... i dont like to be perceived as Mr Know It All (MKIA, too lazy to type) when the fact is that i dont. Its just that i am happy when people come to me and talk to me about their problems, feels like they trust me to give an advise. the fact is that i really have been through a lot.

so... does a person who has gone through a lot equals to Mr Knows It All? the thing is that if the other person do not know what I have been through then i guess i am perceived as MKIA. its confusing... Each time when i hear a friend says "you are not me so you would not know what i have been through.", when the fact is that i have been through something so similar.

so seriously... whats the difference? how do you actually differentiate MKIA and advising cause we just care? but its just a random thought in my head.

On another topic, how much patience CAN a person have. i had a little short argument with a colleague. and her tolerance for patience is just ridiculous... although i have much admiration for that but it got to my nerves when i asked her "dont you get angry when someone provokes u or insults u?" and i got this reply "why do i need to get angry? showing negative emotions like anger is not use, our subordinates will not listen. we need to talk to them nicely even when we feel angry for the wrong things they did"... this is only what i think, she is going to be stepped on and bullied very soon. i do pity her sometimes cause the way people treats her and she just keeps in her blind spot. i was told by another friend of mine, that she is living life like a textbook and that her life was sweet previously, for example: this is how it should be done. and this is how i should react. what i feel is like, emotions are meant to be shown, just to what degree of expressing it. take note i am not saying bad about her as well as not telling how she should react but... i just would like her to be bullied and stepped on.

then again its not my problem. life isnt as sweet as it looks. and i will quiet down now.

got my own hole to dig.

and i am still confused about the topic...

peace

vin

ideas in mind that needs to be done

As i looked at my blog i realized that i have not written for a couple of months. nothing to write? probably, nothing going on in life? definitely not. its just that many things have been going on and work has been hectic. anyways, ideas. yea. i tend to have a lot of them just that i do not have the time to follow up with those ideas. but one of the ideas i would really love to make it happen is writing a book.

the first book that i am still in the midst of writing is titled "With God by his side". This isnt a preaching book but it still has a touch of religion in the content. Basically it is about a boy's life, going through life without a direction, without any sense of where he is or should be. Only to understand many years of walking down different paths of life, he understood that no matter how hard he tries, its not fully up to him to decide what happens in the future. A life story that i wish to express some important part of my life in this book. This book will be personal to me as it will consist some of my experiences as well as my friend's. how successful this book is gonna be? i am not sure but i am keen on finishing it. didnt think of writing a book before but will do what i can, at the least, a sense of achievement. :D

Next up, mistakes are unavoidable am i right? sometimes some mistakes we make leaves an imprint of it in people's lives, and will not be forgotten. so the phrase "forgive and forget" is not really relevant isnt it? how true is it then if we forgive and forget. Even though if we managed to forgive one's mistake, somehow one way or another we have a different impression of the person all over. but i believe in one thing, no one is perfect and people can change, takes time. give them these times to change. its hard for me sometimes even though i try as i got more sensitive if a person make the same mistakes again. the best i can do is to accept it. i know as well that this applies to me as well, me making a mistake does change the person's impression of me but well its up to them to accept it or not. but then again, true friends accept and know who u really are so dont have to think too much on how u should live life. be yourself and be happy with it. think of it like this, if 100 people are not happy with who u are, there are 1000 who loves u for who u are.

stay positive and live life :)

peace

vin